The Plan

I've decided to take on my plan from a different angle. Instead of controlling you all like puppets, I have decided to put all of your lives out of misery (the misery that is your lives, of course). To be honest, I am getting bored with being idolized by people who stuff their faces with grease. I'm done with this double life where I have to pretend to be happy and like your kids. So, don't be surprised when you soon find poison in your McNuggets. Yes, that's right, the plan is already in action. My minions are making their way to the distribution centers and factories to add in that special ingredient as we speak (or as I type, rather). In actuality, I am doing you all a favor here. You've all shown that you care enough about your lives to eat the food of death, so I'm helping you out, and going through with your own choice to end your lives. I'm just making the process a bit quicker, that's all. When you look at it, I am actually the hero here. But don't dare call me that.

GOODBYE WEAKLINGS, ENJOY YOUR LAST HAPPY MEAL!

Second Thoughts

I've been thinking about my wicked plan to take over the world lately, and have been having some second thoughts. So, the world is full of morons that are stupid enough to constantly eat food like the McRib, which even I don't even know what the hell it is really made out of. Thus, since I have power over these idiots, what does that make me? Ruler of the morons? Damn it, it is almost not worth it.

HEIL MCMURDER

I'm sure any readers must think I am a fool for writing this blog. Exposing my true identity as McMurder is just begging to get caught, right? Well, you're wrong. Once again, I am in hiding; nowhere to be found. And the best part about being a real man posing as a fictional mascot is that NO ONE WILL TRULY BELIEVE IT! Plus, it is too late for anyone to try to stop me. I already have immense power over the entire food industry. I AM UNSTOPPABLE! Bow to me, you weaklings, because you depend on me now. You're all addicted, and you don't even know it. Honestly, it almost makes me sick how you all are so lazy...

Meet My Nemesis

The Burger King

Yes, I am afraid, as silly as it may seem, he too is a costumed villain living in disguise. A villain as another villain's enemy? How can this be, you say? Well, it's rather obvious, you fools. We both want the same thing: power over the people. However, I am quite glad to say that I am doing a MUCH more effective job than this douche bag. And he calls himself a king, pfft...

We have gotten in a few fights over the years, but nothing too serious. He is more of just a pain in my ass than a nemesis, really. Always getting in my way of fame with his stupid little mask and crown. You see, I could've taken care of this guy ages ago. The only reason I didn't was because, truthfully, I do enjoy a challenge. Though aggravating at times, I actually like the fact that our rivalry is public. It gives me reason to win them over all the more. Plus, he was never a huge threat to me, so why just end his life when I can see him suffer?

Meet My Henchmen

Grimace

All I can say about this guy is that he is a monster. He will get the job done, no questions

asked.

Fry Guy

If one thing is for sure, it's that you don't want to get on this guy's bad side. Excellently violent, Fry Guy is lethally capable with daggers.

Mayor McCheese

This one is so drunk all the time, he rarely remembers his own name. Nevertheless, I admire his destructive nature.

And, last but not least:

The trusty Hamburglar

I have yet to meet a better thief than this kid.

The Hamburglar? One of McMurder's minions? Yes, it is true. These people are not just characters used for marketing, but costumed villains, aiding me in my mission to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! (Which is coming along nicely, by the way) But I won't get into that yet.

You see, it's all for publicity. First, I had to gain the trust of the world, pretending to be jolly ol' Ronald. While everyone thinks the Hamburglar is just out there to steal from me, he's actually my right hand man. You people are just too stupid to realize what you are letting happen here. Feeding your children food from a clown that is made out of god knows what and has been made in less than a minute... wow, your parenting skills amaze me.

Well, that's all I have for today... surely I have better things to do than sit in front of a computer.

Introductions

To the readers of this blog, if you exist out there, you can continue to think of me as a mere mascot for a food-chain restaurant. To you, I am just a happy clown character on your television. But, by some, I am known as McMurder, a devilish criminal disguised as a clown, fattening up the world with hamburgers and milkshakes while gaining power over EVERYONE at the same time. For all you know, I am living in a fantasy world known as McDonaldland. Therefore, I am nowhere to be found, and thus, free to wreak havoc whenever and wherever I please!